The
KISS Armies
D.Talmage
Pay no
attention to that man behind the curtain. Things are not what they look or
sound like when it comes to the tribute act known as Kiss. We the
people never quite get the full story from band leaders Paul Stanley and
Gene Simmons (or are they the only members?),
and that's not by mistake. If you hear or read it from Paul or Gene, it's
never
entirely accurate or true, because the band's image and sound, their
entire career in fact, is built on illusion like a magic show on
rocket fuel. These guys don't even know how to be real, they grew up being in
Kiss. The real trick has been to get us all to buy whatever is out
right now,
not what came out thirty-three, or forty-three years ago. And since you
are reading this, you should get your head examined, but you aren't new to the
band, you're a fan, and there's no need in explaining the civil war going on
within the so-called Kiss Army. Really, there are two Kiss
armies. Those that accept what the band is doing these days
and theoretically embrace all eras of Kiss, and those that don't.
You
know
which Kiss Army you belong to. I joined in 1977, for five
dollars.
The new Kiss Army costs more money than ever, I
hear. Later that summer, I saw the original band play live at
the Los Angeles Fabulous Forum, where the Lakers and Kings used to
play, during the recording of the Alive II album.
Tickets were just $9.50 for the good seats. Kiss
was a much better deal in those days.
There’s always that
wish that the band would do this or that on the next album or tour, insert your
complaint here___________________, but somehow things never get done quite
right, the way they ought to be. For example, the Kiss cruises (our
army doesn't use the 'K', we don't go at all) would be a perfect
opportunity to invite Ace and or Peter aboard and have a low key reunion
(if there were good vibrations about the whole thing) but they would never do
anything like that because it detracts from what they are selling us now (and
building up demand for that future farewell concert on Pay Per View).
The civil war was entirely caused by what Paul and Gene have chosen to do
with Kiss over the past fifteen years, no matter which army you choose.
We're being set up, folks. There is a
reunion coming, but it's only going to last for two hours, tops, and that's
when Gene doesn't think he can tour anymore (and time is marching). One
lousy show, is that all you’ve got in mind, Demon?
You want
a reunion, people? Then stop paying them for what they are doing,
it's really that simple, you get what you pay for. They've already done
this. You old folks and book readers out there may remember when the
band didn't
tour the U.S. in 1980, because they had trouble selling out a theater in their
home town? That was immediately after Peter Criss was
replaced. Then came even more drastic changes. Soon the
band inside-joke was, Should we order a couple oF extra pizzas for the
audience?
Who is playing Batman today? asks Doc McGhee, another longtime inside Kiss
joke (too long). Listen, this wasn't just a show, Doc. And it's still the same
music created by the original artists. Some people are actually into
the music. Do the jazz sax players of today sound like Johnny Hodges, or Eddie
"Lockjaw" Davis? Am I being too esoteric? Who is playing
Pete Townshend tonight, Doc? His younger brother, Simon? I
saw The Who's farewell tour at the LA Coliseum
in 1982, and of course, there was no Keith Moon, but did I
really see The Who, or just a money grab? I also saw Randy Hansen
play with the Band of Gypsys in Hollywood back in 1985, and he got all dressed
up like Hendrix, with makeup
I might add, it was fucking cool. The show had ambiance, it felt like it
was 1970 when I was three years old. They say if you remember the
Sixties, you weren't there, so I must have been there. It was an amazing
tribute with two original members, Billy Cox and Buddy Miles RIP. And
they were absolutely, great. Randy was so good, lights
out, but the question is, no, the elephant in the room right now is, did I really see the
Band of Gypsys? And the answer is NO NO NO!!! Absolutely not
without Jimi Hendrix. Of course not! But that's what they were billed as.
The idea that Gene and
Paul are replaceable is even more ridiculous than it was replacing the other
members in the first place, and the fact that it sells doesn't mean it's any
good at all. It's all there is. Most sequels do pretty well too, at
the box office, and are absolutely terrible. It's really just them
selling us the "new" lineup, so the fans will accept the idea of what
they have been doing, and it has gained acceptance through many years, decades
really, of built up familiarity and branding. Of lip-syncing
"Rock and Roll All Nite" on live TV for twenty years. As soon
as they could live like it was 1978 again, they started living like it was 1978
again. But they sure don't sound like 1978 anymore. The band now
plays it safe, takes absolutely no chances, lacks any musical ambition or
ingenuity, doesn't in any way remind us of the sound of those great
original studio albums, and meanwhile they are being outplayed by their
former space cadet lead guitar player whom they have put down for
years while he shrugged his shoulders. And at the same time, borrowing his
style, without deviating whatsoever, and performing what equates
to 'cutting and pasting' the classic Ace Frehley riffs into new
songs, not to mention playing his old solos, every night, note for note,
live. Improvisation is frowned upon in Kiss, everything must be tested and
calculated, because because because because because.....
This is a
formula, mechanical music, paint by numbers-Kiss make-up and song
writing, and still yet another cheap sounding album, with no
outside producer.
Some people feel that Kiss produced Destroyer and
that it was really a Bob Ezrin album. And now they are even telling us
that we were fifty percent wrong about this whole replacement idea, when we
never changed our minds in the first place, and are exhausted with what they
have been pushing on us for a decade and a half. Nobody had a choice. The rumor is they're
doing it all, not for the fans, but for themselves. That's why the other
guys aren't in the band anymore. Everyone has had that co-worker that they
didn’t get along with. We understand.
You can't go
home, the saying goes. The Farewell Tour has really been going on for
eighteen years now. The fans' idea that "we're all just glad there
is still a Kiss" is too similar to watching a legendary
pro athlete who has played far too long, still on the field after the Game
is Over and has passed him by, usually in the wrong uniform (like Kiss
wearing the Creatures of the Night outfits these days!) AUDIENCE
LAUGHTER. Couldn't resist. There's no Kiss 2.0, it's all a lie,
folks! Tommy and Eric have both stated in interviews that they will
be leaving Kiss, when Gene and Paul do so. Even THEY aren't
interested in playing with replacement members (and who could blame
them?). Newsflash headline: Is Kiss planning
to start a new band from scratch?!! It's a big farewell Kiss
show at MSG everybody, and after that, just a bunch of crappy new
Farewell 2 products, coming soon to a store near you,
don't mention the theater, because it will only encourage them.
How predictable. Gene. You too, Paul. I've already predicted
it, so you really can't do that now, it's boring.
Kiss is supposed to surprise us.
They never really
recorded that reunion album the fans were so excited about either, before
the turn of the century, and instead gave us Psycho Circus, then
blamed the whole fiasco on their employees, the guys who are
basically not on the album, remember? All we got was “Into the Void”, and
somehow, the title is quite fitting. Who were the bosses?
What were the fans promised at the time? How much will the box of
your below-par demos be, Genie, and was the road crew playing in the
rhythm section, or was Sean Delaney on lead guitar? You're out of tricks
guys. Enough of this non-sense. We want a new studio
Kiss album with the original guys, the
ones in the Hall of Fame, this is your last chance. Pseudo Circus and the
entire tour was just a lie and another Kiss false-advertisement, but the
explanation for it was even worse than the crime itself.
If they really
offered Peter over half a million dollars to avoid playing on the album,
then they got what they paid for. There was a long list of drummers that
would have agreed not to show up for far less money. Peter Criss was
paid to stay quiet, in more ways than one, or so he tells us in his
book. And we are sold, I mean told by Kiss that his playing
wasn't up to par, yet they toured with him for years while this went on. This
is how the other army talks. And I'm not just a member of the Kiss Army,
I'm also the President.
So unless they
do it right and record together, when the big reunion show does finally happen,
don't start packing or make reservations. Don't even go.
